Havuc ve Kereviz

Bir filmi tasarlamak, sadece ziplayarak erisebildigin bir tavana resim yapmaya benziyor. sizi yuksekte uzun sure tutacak bir sey yok, neyse ki bir ziplayista bir cizgiden biraz daha fazlasini cizmek mumkun. herkes ziplayip bir cizik atabilir tavana, hayatin kendisinin getirdigi bir sey bu, sadece bazilari o cizgileri bir resmin parcasi olarak dusunmeye meyillidir, ama bunu gerceklestirmek muhim olan. sabra ve enerjiye ihtiyaci var bunu isteyen insanin, hepsini birlestirmek, ilk cizgilerin ictenligini surdurmek ne kadar da zor, gerekli mi o da mechul, bir ara yol belki var. denemek gerekiyor. cesitli yollar denemek. ziplayarak tavana resim yapan adamlardan olmak istenirse.

Ocakta havuc ve kereviz pisiyor...

Oh Calypso

The Hole'un dvdsini alip izledim, house of flying daggers'i da bugun sinemada izledim. Begendim. Ama Zhang Yimou'nun diger filminde , Hero'da da olan ayni gorsellik cok hosuma gitmedi yine. Filmlerin ikisinin de samimiyet eksikliginin bu gorsel dilden kaynaklandigini dusunuyorum. HoFD daha samimi, daha duygulu ama bu durum konusundan ve oyuncularin yakaladiklari kimyadan geliyor sanirim. Yine de bu fazla iki boyutlu resimsel estetige dayanan gorselligin bazi yerlerde gercekten sinemasal yonden de etkileyici oldugunu soylemem lazim, ormanin icinden ucarak gelen hancerler ya da dovus sahnelerinin (dovus sahnelerinin kendi has estetiginin yanisira) bazilarinda oldugu gibi. Cok guzel bir film demek geliyor icimden, ama guzelligi benim disimda olan bir film, bir nevi nesnel yani bir cicegin guzel olmasi gibi guzel. (The rose degil de a rose gibi.) Her seye ragmen filmi sevdim yine de. Gorkemli bir filmdi, dantel gibi.

The Hole'a gelince, Goodbye Dragon gibi SIKICI degildi en azindan, ozellikle araya serpistirilmis muzikal sahnelerle renkli bir film bile sayilabilir. Grace Chang'in sarkilarini arastiricam, hosuma gitti, garipmis gercekten. Ozellikle asansorde, Cince bir sarki olan Oh Calypso sarkisini, calypso yaparak soyledigi sahne, basrol oyuncusunun, cok guzeldi.

Nene

a full 24 hours, that s how i can call it. and it s still going on.it s slowing down though, about to stop. one last heart kick at last second:seeing VA in front of the building. with another guy whom she introduced "a (my) friend". probably he is. i do not know. i ve watched them from my window,on their way to downtown. she didnt get close to him, but she s taken a picture of him. i remembered her doing the same to me. (a bit annoying) a heartkick..

last nite, i ended up alone sitting on a bar chair, some "companies" were supposed to come till the last hour. on the way, at the bus, an old man annoyed a young tall bro. they argued for a while -by words. the old man suddenly stood up, in a second there was a knife in his hand. i didnt know that you dont usually get excited at that moment, unless you know you are the one threat comes towards. he yelled "common and now! slap me", the young guy,stood up so quickly - slapped him down to the seat. the old man stared for a moment at a point out of time , out of frame. he hold the knife tight. he could have stabbed the young guy, just at that moment but he didnt, he didnt have the courage in himself wisely, and luckily. the back door opened and i got down. trembled a little then.

at the club, all gone out of my mind.. i ve felt uneasy, sitting there alone,enjoyed the reaggae band a little. watched around a little. i hardly feel good at those places, i hardly get rid of the effects of the atmosphere..its own rules' tie my thoughts up, interrupting on their way back to caves of self sufficiency. i ve left the bar around 11pm, heading for the movie marathon they held at a near university. i was 2$s short of the money i needed to pay for the ticket. no atms around. the chinese girl at the box office seemed easy but didnt be easy, i was ready to say today was my birthday. a guy hearing the dialogue "donated" 2$s for me. i was embrassed a little. he didnt look at my face when i said thanks, just given the money to the girl.

inside, there was the stage between the screen and the seats, on the stage,i noticed beds and people lying on them.. under the dim light of the movie Alien. i ve slept for two movies, too, at my seat. i wished i could be lying on a bed there.. thought i t d be nice doing that with someone... i ve felt so good sleeping in the middle of a crowd, in Cleveland, at the middle of the nite.. doing that and feeling secure, must have seemed to me impossible. i ve enjoyed that part of it most maybe, more than the movies.. how dreamlikely it would be if those two wishes were fullfilled also.

(ukiyo-e : nene)

Lukewarm Rain

Again it is warm in Cleveland, very windy though. it wasnt sunny. It was a sad warm day, so sad that it rained at the end.. there s still a melatonin weather outside. i ve had many days like that, perhaps my life was made of that. i have a sea of those days, i am swimming in it now, it s raining on a sea inside. in the middle of a city..

Sun

it s a summer drop day in Cleveland, extremely warm- unbeleivable, it s about 18 C. It s sunny, some warm wind is blowing. (just like nina simone singing here comes the sun). a change in weather, a refreshing effect for mind. memories filling into the new empty mood of the mind. memories keeping you connected to a whole life. it feels so good. i am feeling happy, searching for other shiny happy people to share it. looking for smiles on people passing by, visiting friends at their jobs, not many are in the same mood. they should go out, go out to play.. i am travelling in a tear drop of the sun. I am dreaming of a sunny day, living in a sunny day, rememberin a sunny day.. i dream of remembering a day i have yet not lived but just dreamt of.

songs of the day: here comes the sun by nina simone and hold on by tom waits.

... violins

I have just seen 'together' by chen kaige, i liked it, it was a good story. very good selection of classical music pieces (mostly popular tunes though). It was also interesting to see Chean Kaige, the director, playing one of the main characters.

"magnoliathemovie"

the unpleasent truth about today's being such a boring day is, there seems to be nothing that can make tomorrow a better day.

...

acaba insanin tum anilarini tek tek hatirlayip belgelemesi (document), kagida dokmesi mumkun mu. her detayi kaydetmesi mumkun olmaz sanirim ama en azindan her bir aniyi, kabaca da olsa hatirlamasi, atlamadan her birini siralamasi...

... strawberries

Onuc ondort sene onceydi, ocagin sonuna dogruydu. ilkokuldaki en yakin arkadasimin dogum gunuydu. cagrilanlarin cogu gelmemisti.uc kisiydik sadece. dogum gunu olan arkadasim, ozgur ve ben. babasi icerde salonda oturuyordu, annesi mutfaktaydi, bir tek bizim bulundugumuz odada televizyon vardi, acik durdu basta bir sure. sonra kapattik, sessizlik oldu, disarda hava kapaliydi. pencereden baktik, sitedeki kavgalardan -cocuklar arasindaki- bahsetti onur bize, ilginc geldi, site kelimesine alisik degilim, sitede baska cocuklar da var, sokakta oynamana izin vermezler ama sitede oynabiliyorsun, site gizemli bir kavram kafamda. sonra pasta merasimi, dogum gunu pastasini salonda ufledi onur, annesi babasi da geldi yanimiza. yine odaya gectik, balon(la) oynadik.

o yaslarda bir kac dogumgununde daha bulundugumu hatirliyorum, kalabalik, coskulu dogum gunleri, ama hic birini bunun kadar net hatirlamiyorum. sanki o yalnizlik icime oturmus, bir daha da gitmemis gibi, o gun balonla oynayisimiz, arada oyle bir bag-gecit var ki yillari yoksayan, terledik ara verdik, sanki birazdan kaldigimiz yerden oynamaya devam edicez yine. sanki hic degismedik ucumuz de, simdi bir araya gelsek, bir de balonumuz olsa, hic bir sey degismemis gibi oynamaya baslariz. halbuki ozgur'u hatirladigim son ani bu (bir sene daha beraber ayni sinifta okuduk ama ona dair hic bir sey hatirlamiyorum), bir daha gormedim.

Morning Dark

It has started to snow again here. I feel the stress of the coming term already. I hope buying a car doesnt become a trouble for me, or not being able to buy it. I am not sure of my driving skills, especially parking. I can have some time to practice if i can buy it soon, before the school starts. But not much time left, i want to go for another break before all, it would be great, if i could get a reply from that cousin in Illinois. I dont like the idea of seeing relatives who i have not seen for ten years, again but i need a break which probably wont come this winter, maybe it s better to stay here, and try to adapt. Adaptation to city is over, almost, but this kinda life, loneliness, it takes time. i have got to find some source of light. i ll become a bat otherwise, my 6th sense already improving.

A VidBlogging Attempt

Late Spring (in Eskisehir)


Please note that the link is valid for a week only, i have yet not purchased my own web space. The file is 22.6 Mbs, so keep in mind it takes some minutes even with DSL.

...

odami toplamam bitti, kafami da topladim gibi, kaldigim yerden 80 dolar daha pahali o daireye gecicem sanirim, yalniz roommate bulmam lazim. okuldan bulmam en sagliklisi, internetteki sitelerde de aradim ama cekindim biraz, guvenmek zor olur sanirim oralardan bulunacak birine. en iyisi yine arkadas cevresinden filan biri ama.. simdilik bu yeni ev meselesini kafamda bir koseye koyup, baska seylere bakmam lazim. dersler iki hafta sonra basliycak, onlara hazirlanmam lazim, projeyle ilgilenmem lazim artik bir de. bu hafta bir baslangic yapabilsem bunlara. ama baslama sorunum var, kalkis icin yeterli gucu bulmak zor oluyor, kisa vadeli umut eksikligi hat safhada, uzun vadeliler ne kadar buyuk umutlar da olsa cok uzaklar, aydinlatmaya yetmiyorlar.

bu aralar bir tek uzak dogu sehirlerinde gecen filmleri izlemek geliyor icimden, digerleri cok cazip gelmiyor, garip, belli bir tarzi var o filmlerin de bana iyi geliyor yoksa dunyada kacilacak bir yer olarak bir oralari mi goruyorum bu aralar. chunking express kutuphanede varmis, alip izliycem.

gun-luk

Biraz once oturdum yapacaklarimi planladim, yarin ve ondan sonrasi icin, daha iyi hissediyorum simdi, zamanin ucunu kapiyinca.

Su public library'nin imkanlarini kullanmaya baslasam iyi olacak, epey film var, gerci yine zor bulunan orada da zor bulunur.

bir de..

there arent many people to talk about cinema in here, i am thinking about having a cinema blog. but i really am not the kinda person to keep it alive-updated, not that kind of patience exist in me. the problem is i feel like to talk about it, but when i do, people around me most probably think that i am playing the sophisticated-intellectual or stg. and mostly i guess they get irritated, although i do it very naturally.