aylak balik

for the last two days, i ve been getting 'korean punches', first she, then again her, and finally today; a movie. at the moment, it s not only the korean punches though. some spice added on, maybe more like a bitter coctail is what has hit me. i dont know exactly why i feel so down, picking a guess for a mixture but there might be only one substance in the mix to blame.

baharatli tavuk yine cok guzeldi, farkli sos bu sefer dediler ama bana ayni gibi geldi. aci yemegi sevmeye basladim coktan zaten. bu gun bir de, su ana kadar gordugum en guzel ( tek guzel belki) hintli kizi gordum, tanistirildim.. hintlilerin bazi davranis bicimlerini anlamiyorum, dokunsal iletisimleri cok yogun, yani 2 gun once tanistigi kizin burnuyla oynuyordu bugun arkadasim. o guzel kizin.. hemen samimi oluyorlar, yani cinselligin evlilik oncesinde bir tabu olmasina ragmen, davranislarinin bu sekli biraz garip geliyor bana.

sometimes i think, those friends i have, some of them especially are so good people that i feel like my goodness worths nothing compared to their good-nature.. so much moral correctness and generousness, kindness.. i used to feel as a relatively good person but not in here anymore.. i m less than ordinary.. maybe only straightly correct thing i ve got is my political ideas (life politics) which even myself dont follow.

...

odasinin arka balkonu ormanin uzerinden gole bakiyordu, geceleri gizlice sigara icmeye ciktiginda o karanlik manzarayi izlemek aliskanliga donustu zamanla.sigarayi biraktiktan sonra da devam etti.